The NFL has never been an organization to rile up a media circus and capture national headlines. That’s just not the NFL’s way.
So it should come as no surprise all 32 teams have adopted drone technology, widely known for being uncontroversial and endearing to the public, for the 2015 season.
Trove.com‘s Mike Frazier and Dani Bostick did some investigating and here is a list of what each team will be using drones for this year.
Buffalo Bills– Remove snow from field before games. Beginning in August.
Miami Dolphins– Provide simulcast mixed martial arts pay-per-view coverage for when Ndamukong Suh is on the field.
New England Patriots– Deliver Roger Goodell’s secret love notes to Robert Kraft.
New York Jets– Fend off Willie Colon and the rest of the offensive line if they turn onGeno Smith when he fails to deliver.
Baltimore Ravens– Drop stuffed animals onto the sidelines to comfort Coach John Harbaugh when he starts whining and continually monitor Joe Flacco’s unibrow for proper thickness.
Cincinnati Bengals– Hypnotically suggest to Andy Dalton that games played after week 17 are still “part of the regular season.”
Cleveland Browns– Activate Johnny Manziel’s anti-idiocy shock collar.
Pittsburgh Steelers– Polish all six Lombardi trophies, every hour, on the hour.
Houston Texans– Provide in-game delivery of Brian Cushing’s PEDs.
Indianapolis Colts– Broadcast vulgar trash talk to make up for Andrew Luck’s supportive comments to the opposition.
Jacksonville Jaguars– Locate someone to hire to be their very first fan.
Tennessee Titans– Show 2014 rushing defense highlights on a continual loop.
Denver Broncos– Check Shane Ray’s backyard for signs of a marijuana field.
Kansas City Chiefs– Hover over open wide receivers so Alex Smith can find them.
Oakland Raiders– Film Sebastian Janikowski if he ever needs to attempt a field goal from the parking lot.
San Diego Chargers– Send Phillip Rivers to the corner each time he throws a tantrum.
Dallas Cowboys– Make sure players aren’t wreaking havoc and committing crimes around town.
New York Giants– Remotely monitor Tom Coughlin’s blood pressure and provide real-time feedback to Eli Manning on his pissed-off facial expressions.
Philadelphia Eagles– Stand by with pre-sized knee brace, waiting for the inevitable Bradford injury.
Washington Redskins– Beam holographic images of Joe Theismann, Art Monk, and Darrell Green onto the field as a reminder of the glory days.
Chicago Bears– Hold a “THIS WAY JAY” sign above the end zone so Cutler knows which way to throw.
Detroit Lions– Randomly shoot at the field during road games so the Lions’ players can feel at home.
Green Bay Packers– Shuttle cheese and brats to overweight fans during the exhausting, 400-foot walk from lot to gate.
Minnesota Vikings– Project Mike Wallace’s rout down onto the field so he can follow it with ease.
Atlanta Falcons– Broadcast nails-on-chalkboard or chewing sounds during the game at 140 decibels.
Carolina Panthers– Tow a superman dummy through the air after touchdowns soCam Newton can spare fans his superhero pantomime.
New Orleans Saints– Discreetly deliver untraceable, cash bounty payments to players’ lockers during the game to give coaches plausible deniability.
Arizona Cardinals– Zoom in on the hottest gentrified-hipster neighborhoods to find Bruce Arians’ latest fashion trends.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers– Constantly threaten underperforming players with a week at Greg Schiano’s house.
St. Louis Rams– Scout local backyard football games to find Nick Foles‘ inevitable mid-season replacement.
San Francisco 49ers– Hold defensive players hostage so they won’t retire after their first season. (The only way to approach an NFL career is the Chris Conte way.)
Seattle Seahawks– Neutralize Pete Carroll if he is about to make a call similar to the one that cost him the Super Bowl.
Alan is serial entrepreneur, active angel investor, and a drone enthusiast. He co-founded DRONELIFE.com to address the emerging commercial market for drones and drone technology. Prior to DRONELIFE.com, Alan co-founded Where.com, ThinkingScreen Media, and Nurse.com. Recently, Alan has co-founded Crowditz.com, a leader in Equity Crowdfunding Data, Analytics, and Insights. Alan can be reached at alan(at)dronelife.com